The Adventures of Captain Cowardly and the Caped Klutz

An original puppet script by Patrick Hoecherl and Paul Musser.

Narrator: One morning, Captain Cowardly awoke to urgent news on the radio.

Radio: This just in – Alien invaders have just landed and are planning on taking over the planet! Can anybody save us?!?!

Captain Cowardly: Aliens?!?! That’s horrible! I’m so scared! Maybe I can pretend to be asleep and hide under my blankie and no one will find me.

Narrator: Just then, Captain Cowardly’s sidekick, the Caped Klutz, crashed through his bedroom window.

Caped Klutz: Cowardly, are you awake?

Cowardly: (Pretending to be asleep) Snores . . . . .zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Klutz: Cowardly, wake up! It’s an emergency! Didn’t you hear the news?!? Wake up!!!!!

Cowardly: Snores louder . . . . . . ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Klutz: Why won’t Cowardly wake up? Huh! I know. Hot coffee ought to do The trick. (Pulls out a kettle of hot coffee.) Whoops! (Klutz slips and spills the entire pot/cup of scalding liquid all over Cowardly.)

Cowardly: Yoooowwwwww!!!!

Klutz: Works every time. Cowardly, there’s no time to waste. Alien invaders have run amuck. We have to stop them!

Cowardly: Do I have to?

Klutz: Come on! You’re a superhero! Pull yourself together!

Cowardly: (reluctantly) Oh, all right. But first, I’ve got to . . . to . . . make breakfast.

Klutz: Make breakfast? This is no time to think about food! The world is in danger!

Cowardly: Awww, but Klutzy, breakfast IS the most important meal of the day.

Klutz: Mmmm, so it is. But hurry. Here let me help you with that. (Pulls out a banana, fumbles, and slips. . . ) Ooops!

Cowardly: Klutz, are you okay?

Klutz: No, I have slipped on my own banana! (Sound of pots clanging together.)

Cowardly: Take your time. I’m in no hurry.

Klutz: Let me just dig my way out of this mess.

(In the meantime, Cowardly is noisily eating while an alien spaceship is seen in the background abducting a cat.)

Cowardly: Awww, much better. Now, aren’t you glad we had breakfast?

Klutz: I think so. Now, to the rescue!

Cowardly: Uhhh, ummmm, uhhh, . . . . first . . . . I must . . . . . brush my teeth!

Klutz: Brush your teeth? But Captain Cowardly, this is an emergency! We need to leave, now!

Cowardly: Klutz, proper dental hygiene is very important. You should never neglect your teeth.

Klutz: Well I suppose so, but hurry. (Cowardly ducks down behind sheet. Klutz stands waiting, staring at nothing in particular. In the background an alien spaceship is seen abducting a cow.)

Cowardly: Mmmm, minty fresh.

Klutz: Better, now? Ok, up, up, and aw-. . . !

Cowardly: (interrupting) I can’t go yet.

Klutz: What now?!?!

Cowardly: I . . . uh . . . need to find my lucky sneakers.

Klutz: Lucky sneakers? You don’t have any lucky sneakers! Cowardly, people are in danger!!!

Cowardly: Just one more minute. I can’t fight crime without my lucky sneakers.

Klutz: Oh, alright. But be quick about it! Here, let me help you look for them. (Alien spaceship is seen abducting a piano. Clothes are flying in the foreground . . .)

Cowardly (from behind curtain): Ah ha, here they are! This is the way we tie our shoes, tie our shoes, tie our shoes. Take the ends and cross the laces, cross the laces, cross the laces . . . .

Klutz: Stop!!!! Give it here. Let me do it.

Cowardly: Owww! That hurts.

Klutz: Just one more loop . . . . . There! (Puppets pop back up all tied up in shoes.)

Klutz: Now, you’ve had breakfast, brushed your teeth, and found your lucky sneakers. Can we please go?!?!

Cowardly: But I’m scared. What if they don’t like me?

(Loud crash. Puppets duck. Image of large monster chasing spaceship.)

Radio: We’re sorry to interrupt but we have an urgent update. There’s some good news and some bad news. The good new is that the alien invaders have flown away, never to be seen again. . .

Cowardly: Aha! Another job well done by . . . Captain Cowardly!

Klutz: . . . and the Caped Klutz! Evil never stands a chance when . . .

Radio: . . . The bad news is that the aliens were chased away by a giant fire-breathing monster!

Cowardly and Klutz: (Turn and look out the window at the monster.) Gulp!

Cowardly: I need to tie my shoes again.

Klutz: Me too.

THE END